Fruit Salad

I was in Mexico preparing for my daughter, Alex's, baptism. I had a giant pinata stuffed, 100 mini cheesecakes made, pictures framed, programs printed and food for 50 prepared. All except for the fruit salad. I wanted to prepare that last so the fruit would be fresh.

The morning had arrived. We had a busy day ahead of us. Tori, Alex and Benton had basketball games then Alex had a hair appointment to help her feel special on her big day. I woke unusually early and sat down at the computer while nursing the baby. I was simply enjoying a little internet surfing when the phone rang. I saw that it was Rachel. I instantly knew something was wrong. I answered and could hear panic in her voice as she asked to speak with my mom, who had just arrived from Utah. I asked her what the matter was and she said, "Jordan is dead."

At that moment I could feel the blood drain from my face and the wind knocked out of my lungs. I asked if she was sure and she said the police were with him and it was confirmed. My head started to race and I struggled to find words of comfort. I then frantically started finding ways for my mom and I to get to Idaho the fastest way possible. We still had to baptize Alex. I had to pack. My kids needed to be taken care of. I had to feed the masses. We needed to bless Brody. I needed to be with Rachel.  My head spun.

Fortunately, the bishop was the first to hear of this news and in offering to help was able to move the baptism  up two hours and allow us to bless the baby immediately afterwards. This enabled us to make the border before it closed so we could catch a flight out of Mesa at the earliest and arrive in Idaho to save Rachel from this nightmare.

I was holding it together pretty well. I needed to be strong. I needed to be happy for this was a monumental day for Alex and Brody. We were celebrating. We were mourning. I had to pull it together.

Everything was in order for us to leave. My mom offered to help prepare the fruit salad so I could pack. I didn't give it a second thought. I had a million things to do before we could leave. Once in the car and down the road my mom gave me a plate of the food I was serving at the after-party of Alex's baptism. I was enjoying it and thinking of how grateful I was for my best friend, Jen, who stepped in and took over for me and for how well everything turned out until I got to the fruit salad.

I took a few bites and realized there was no fruit in it. I asked my mom what happened to the fruit salad and she said she had put everything in it that I left out for her. It was then that I realized that I forgot to bring out the pineapple, strawberries, grapes and bananas. It was just a glob of cool whip, vanilla pudding and mandarin oranges. I lost it.

I broke down and started to cry. I even frantically called anyone in the family to see if they could salvage the fruit salad. I knew it was too late since everyone had probably already eaten and were headed home. It was my last grasp at something I could control in this chaotic day. My sweet nephew, Kaleb, was kind enough to appease his crazy Aunt's request to finish the salad.

My mom kept looking at me like I had gone mad. She said it was not important but only a fruit salad. Her words did not comfort me. The flood gates were released. It was much later that I realized I was not upset about the actual salad. It was my way of mourning and feeling for my sister at her time of need without realizing it. I could cry over fruit salad but I had to be strong for my mom and sister, for my whole family. I had to hold it together for them, but not for the dang fruit salad.

So, June 1st we had a death,  a baptism, and a baby blessing.  It is amazing how tragedy can put life into prospective. Are our priorities in order? Are we fulfilling our mission in this life? Bottom line is that family is important. The most important. We are forever and we must do all that we can to make sure that sealing stays that way. Family is what brings us strength and comfort, especially in our times of sorrow and need. With the plan of salvation we know we can be reunited with our loved ones...forever.

And so it is. I discovered that I show emotion through non-personal things in order to keep my strength....for my family.

(Picture taken the morning of the baptism)

The trails we endure...

My little sister is doing something I NEVER thought she would be the first in the family to do. She and her sweet two year old daughter have to bury their husband/father.  Rachel has been so strong as funeral plans were made and the choice to move in with my parents was decided. She held it together for her daughter while falling to pieces inside. I know she has felt much peace at this chaotic and emotional time in her life. Here is  her story:

http://jordanandrachelnelson.blogspot.com/2013/06/my-sweet-husband-jordan-glenn-nelson.html#comment-form

mother's day

I was surprised with a brand new bedroom set from Garrett. 

He also brought home a chocolate cake and flowers.

 Tori made me breakfast in bed and Garrett and Gerald made dinner, with all the trimmings. 

It made up for the Mexican Mother's Day from H.E. double hockey sticks...aka: "Dia de las Madres".

It was Baby Brody's first public appearance.

School Program.

Anxious Mamma.

2 hour Program ended.

Kids wanting cake while I needed to get a hungry baby home to breastfeed.

Benton throwing a public fit that I wouldn't get in line to get him a piece of cake.

Ada dropped her cake.

More tears.

Stuck in my car, nursing a baby, trying to comfort a sad toddler, and discipline a 5 year old tantrum while waiting for the older girls to get the dang cake!

Once home Ada decided to hose down my entire kitchen.

Puddles to mop up and more tears... from Mamma.

Ended in me locking myself in my room and crying. 

Woke up to a note, from Tori, on my chest inviting me to a concert next door.

I had slept through the concert to which all the other parents and grandparents had attended.

The day did not end well.

So my ACTUAL Mother's Day was a heck of a lot better than this day!
I was surprised with my very first bedroom set.
Garrett pulled it off and even bought the one I had my eye on for the last 6 months.
I was then greeted with breakfast in bed...Thank You Tori...lots of loves, notes, flowers and homemade gifts.
That afternoon my husband and father-in-law made dinner and did the dishes.
I didn't have to lift a finger all day!
Happy (American) Mother's Day!

(Isn't this a beautiful sight?)

Brody Garrett Hatch

Born Sunday, April 21, 2013 at 10:00pm
7.7 lbs.
21 inches long


Friday evening I inserted a prim Rose oil capsule to help soften the cervix. Saturday morning was leaking amniotic fluid so I went to the hospital that evening to make sure everything was okay with the baby. I was checked and not making any progress so I went home slightly discouraged. I was having strong contractions but not regularly. That evening was a Romney wedding reception and in our absence it was assumed I was having my baby. The next morning I was still experiencing a slight flow of amniotic fluid but my contractions stopped all together after being very intense throughout the night. I decided to stay home from church for not wanting to explain the entire situation over and over.  Garrett came home and said that everyone was congratulating him all afternoon and he was stuck explaining that it was a false alarm. I sat home all day Sunday wondering what I could do to help bring on labor for fear I was losing too much precious fluid.

Around 7:00pm I decided to take Adalyn on a walk up the street. While on the walk I began contracting. They were strong and frequent so I waddled home and started timing them. Sure enough they were coming every 3-4 minutes apart and were still going strong after an hour. I announced it was time to go.

We dropped the kids off at Grandma Hatch's house and continued onto the hospital. Garrett told me he knew it was time because I couldn't talk (or yell at him) during the contractions and would need to double in half to help alleviate the pain.

We arrived at the hospital at 9:00pm and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter. I was again checked and told that I was only at 2 cm and probably would not have the baby until the next morning. Also, that the baby's head was already wedged.  I requested an epidural immediately and was wheeled to my room. Once in my room I was hooked up to an IV, which took the nurse several tries and after injuring one of my hands she finally succeeded with the other. Next the anesthesiologist came in and was ready to administer my epidural. By this time my contractions were coming a lot closer together and I was having the "urge" to push.  I told the doctor this and he said go ahead and push, not thinking I was going anywhere anytime soon. After one strong push my water completely broke and the good doctor realized it was time to get rolling. I had progressed from 2 cm to 10 cm in a half an hour.

The anesthesiologist also realized that I meant business so he gave me an additional boost of pain killers since I could still feel everything only on a slightly muted level. Once my bed was transformed and the room was set up I waisted no time pushing. This baby was on the right side (which makes for a harder delivery compared to the the left side) and his head was already good and stuck. I gave it my all for a good 10-20 minutes and he was finally born. I noticed that he was completely purple and the doctor waisted no time with the cutting of the cord, which usually he asks Garrett to do, and was rushed to the corner where the Pediatrician was waiting to administer to him. It took him several minutes before we heard a good healthy cry. All I remember was thinking how quiet the delivery room was throughout this experience. 

I was relieved to hear that sweet,  strong cry. I was then cleaned up and congratulated by the Anesthesiologist, Pediatrician and my doctor. We all shook hands and they left us to spend a quiet evening together as a family in my hospital room.

From the first week we were left to fend for ourselves and figure out the new dynamic of our family of 7. It took a lot of adjusting. Ada wanted nothing to do with the baby for the first few weeks. Everyone, all of a sudden, was resistant to help out by doing more around the house to help me out. I was feeling overwhelmed and helpless. I was dealing with a hard recovery and couldn't bounce back like I have done before. Every time Garrett left the house chaos would strike.  By week two I had a few melt downs and needed to lock myself in my room to cry the day away. Gratefully my children survived those days on their own.  I am feeling more like myself, although having 5 kids is proving to be very difficult. Everyday gets a little bit better. I am just so blessed to have a mild mannered baby.  I am also very grateful to the family and friends who have heard my cry for help and stepped in when I needed it the most.

March Madness

spring break.

all the hatchs in town for a week.

tori and alex had their second gymnastics competition and did very well.

easter sunday.

ada gave herself a haircut and is now bald on top.

easter hike and 9 months pregnant.

quick trip to pacheco for a picnic with the family.

Happy

This little girl makes me happy.

Disappointment

There are people in your life that are supposed to be your foundation, your rock. People that you can depend on no matter what. To tell you what you need to do with hard situations. To keep a reasonable position and a level head. These are loved ones that are held to the highest esteem. Well, what do you do when that foundation is crumbling beyond repair and you are being disappointed from every side? What happens to your belief in good when those you look up to do not believe in it themselves? And when they let their own selfish desires trump all, even when it affects more than just you? When you feel you've been abandoned in your hour of need and they are not there, by choice. How is one to handle such a situation? I thought these people where rock solid and loved me to the end but over and over again they are proving otherwise. You can only get knocked down so many times before you can no longer get back up. I've been getting up over and over again since I was a teenager and now I am a mother and it is getting more and more difficult to get up. I thought family was supposed to be there for you. I thought no matter what, we stick together. I thought love trumps all. I guess I was very very wrong.