Fruit Salad

I was in Mexico preparing for my daughter, Alex's, baptism. I had a giant pinata stuffed, 100 mini cheesecakes made, pictures framed, programs printed and food for 50 prepared. All except for the fruit salad. I wanted to prepare that last so the fruit would be fresh.

The morning had arrived. We had a busy day ahead of us. Tori, Alex and Benton had basketball games then Alex had a hair appointment to help her feel special on her big day. I woke unusually early and sat down at the computer while nursing the baby. I was simply enjoying a little internet surfing when the phone rang. I saw that it was Rachel. I instantly knew something was wrong. I answered and could hear panic in her voice as she asked to speak with my mom, who had just arrived from Utah. I asked her what the matter was and she said, "Jordan is dead."

At that moment I could feel the blood drain from my face and the wind knocked out of my lungs. I asked if she was sure and she said the police were with him and it was confirmed. My head started to race and I struggled to find words of comfort. I then frantically started finding ways for my mom and I to get to Idaho the fastest way possible. We still had to baptize Alex. I had to pack. My kids needed to be taken care of. I had to feed the masses. We needed to bless Brody. I needed to be with Rachel.  My head spun.

Fortunately, the bishop was the first to hear of this news and in offering to help was able to move the baptism  up two hours and allow us to bless the baby immediately afterwards. This enabled us to make the border before it closed so we could catch a flight out of Mesa at the earliest and arrive in Idaho to save Rachel from this nightmare.

I was holding it together pretty well. I needed to be strong. I needed to be happy for this was a monumental day for Alex and Brody. We were celebrating. We were mourning. I had to pull it together.

Everything was in order for us to leave. My mom offered to help prepare the fruit salad so I could pack. I didn't give it a second thought. I had a million things to do before we could leave. Once in the car and down the road my mom gave me a plate of the food I was serving at the after-party of Alex's baptism. I was enjoying it and thinking of how grateful I was for my best friend, Jen, who stepped in and took over for me and for how well everything turned out until I got to the fruit salad.

I took a few bites and realized there was no fruit in it. I asked my mom what happened to the fruit salad and she said she had put everything in it that I left out for her. It was then that I realized that I forgot to bring out the pineapple, strawberries, grapes and bananas. It was just a glob of cool whip, vanilla pudding and mandarin oranges. I lost it.

I broke down and started to cry. I even frantically called anyone in the family to see if they could salvage the fruit salad. I knew it was too late since everyone had probably already eaten and were headed home. It was my last grasp at something I could control in this chaotic day. My sweet nephew, Kaleb, was kind enough to appease his crazy Aunt's request to finish the salad.

My mom kept looking at me like I had gone mad. She said it was not important but only a fruit salad. Her words did not comfort me. The flood gates were released. It was much later that I realized I was not upset about the actual salad. It was my way of mourning and feeling for my sister at her time of need without realizing it. I could cry over fruit salad but I had to be strong for my mom and sister, for my whole family. I had to hold it together for them, but not for the dang fruit salad.

So, June 1st we had a death,  a baptism, and a baby blessing.  It is amazing how tragedy can put life into prospective. Are our priorities in order? Are we fulfilling our mission in this life? Bottom line is that family is important. The most important. We are forever and we must do all that we can to make sure that sealing stays that way. Family is what brings us strength and comfort, especially in our times of sorrow and need. With the plan of salvation we know we can be reunited with our loved ones...forever.

And so it is. I discovered that I show emotion through non-personal things in order to keep my strength....for my family.

(Picture taken the morning of the baptism)